4 posts tagged “i am lame”

What are you most sensitive about? 

Two things.

1 - Anything that anyone might say that might imply that I'm not doing a good job at something.  Obviously I know I'm not perfect, and of course I want to know if I need to improve the way I do something.  But the message is sometimes hard to take.  I take a lot of things personally that I shouldn't.  But I'm getting better about it, slowly.  I'm learning to look at criticisms more objectively, especially when they really aren't criticisms.

2 - On a much more serious and important note, it just kills me when I hear stories in the news (or anyplace else) of children being abused.  Just looking at those words I just typed makes me want to cry.  I seriously had to stop reading FOXNews.com except the headlines because there were just too many horrible things happening to kids.  I feel like a jerk for burying my head in the sand, but what can I do?  I just want kids to not have to hurt.  They don't deserve to be mistreated, especially by the people they trust.  How can someone mistreat their own child?  Selfish, selfish parents.  You need a license to cut hair but any moron can have a child.  It's just not right.  Ugh.

Hey!  Don't line up so fast!  :)

I have GOT to start my next class.  I have the notes printed, I've even read a bit of the text, I just can't click that "play" button on the lecture. Tomorrow, maybe.

Man oh man.  Y'know, there are days when I'd like to relive certain parts of college, but the all-nighter is not one of them.  I did one last night.  I know!  You say I'm too old to pull an all-nighter?  Well, you'd be right!

No, actually it wasn't that bad.  Last night around 7, I was feeling pretty good about my upcoming test, and really fairly at peace about the whole thing after my freakout yesterday.  Then I went onto the website where my lectures & grades are posted.  Finally, after 2 weeks of waiting, the score from my last test had been posted.  Eek.  Bad timing.  It wasn't the score I'd hoped for.  So being the freak that I am, I had to calculate where I'm at right now.  It came to 81%.  Well, certainly not good, but a low B can be pulled up with 4 A's and an A in lab, right?  Then, something struck me (figuratively ;) ) and I ran for my syllabus.  I had to be at an 85% to get a B.  I am getting a C.  **insert choking and gasping sounds here**  I absolutely, positively, can NOT get a C!!   Being the mature adult that I am, I completely and totally freaked out, tears and all.  Good thing my kids weren't home at the time to see their mother fall apart.  Brian saw it, though, and was oh-so-not-sympathetic.  But he was unloading the dishwasher at the time, so he was consoling me in his own unintentional way. 

Realization that I was getting a C was when I decided that I absolutely HAD to get an A on this test.  There was no other way around it.  So the all-nighter began with full-caff coffee at 8 pm.  I spent about an hour on the phone with my sister, during which time both Brian and the kids went to bed, after which the studying began in earnest.  It was really cold in the house (a cold front came through with a vengeance yesterday!) and I was quite cozy in the living room, in my studying chair with the fireplace going, sweats on, and a cup of coffee.  The radio was on and I was actually enjoying the solitude.  Every now & again I had to get up and move around, and around 2:30 I walked on the treadmill for a little bit (not a workout per se, just enough to get my blood pumping).  Around 3 I started another pot of coffee and had a little bit to eat, as my stomach gets upset when I'm supposed to be sleeping but I'm not.  That nausea brought back memories of the three years I spent working nights (even the nonpregnant part).  How I survived those years I'll never know.  At 5:00 I woke Brian up and hit the shower like normal, and headed off toward my day at work. 

It's been sooo long since I've been up all night!  My body spent much of the morning reminding me that I'm not twenty years old anymore.  I took the test around 8:00, and I really feel like I did well.  I should have - I basically memorized the notes from 3.5 hours worth of lectures!  Afterwards I treated myself to a salt bagel with cream cheese & cucumbers from Bruegger's, and a huge pop.  Right now it's about 4:30 pm and I'm really feeling pretty good.  I have to go down to church for a while tonight and I'm hoping that by the time I get back I'll be good & tired.  I predict I'll be feeling this tomorrow morning in a big way.

Oh yeah, a new SuperTarget opens today.  I think we might have to go check it out on our way to church.  I'm sure the excitement of a new Target will keep me awake for a while!  :)

I'm going to give myself the night off from homework, and then tomorrow it's back to the grind.  Funny thing, where I work we're starting our own CLS program, and as the blood bank instructors we've been busy writing the curriculum.  Every now & then a concern pops up among our group about the course being too intense - are we making them do too much in too short a timeframe, etc.  I said listen, these kids will be doing this course - and that's it!  I'm working all day and staying up all night to get ready for a test.  I'm darn near killing myself, so I have very little sympathy for a heavy course load when there's nothing else going on.  LOL 

You know how some people play pranks for fun?  I would like to, but usually I'm too scared someone will get mad at me for it or that I'll get into trouble.  No doubt I have a mischevious streak, but in my grown-up years it's been suppressed for the benefit of things "adult" and "mature" and "responsible."  These days my devious nature is usually manifest in the form of biting sarcasm.  But even in my carefree days, I never did anything outrageous.  I've always been a "good girl."

Until today.  I was in a meeting in a conference room at work over the noon hour, and I noticed that the battery in the clock on the wall had died (because I was staring at it!  Have I ever mentioned I have an aversion to meetings?).  Like a nice person, I replaced the battery, but here's where the wild part comes in: when I reset the clock,  I set it 5 minutes ahead!!  Call me crazy.  I would have gone for 10 but then people would notice, ignore it, and continue to end their meetings whenever they darn well please.  I was actually doing everyone who will have a meeting in that room for the next several days a favor.  My workplace is over-meetinged like you wouldn't believe.  Every decision is made by committee, and people still complain that they didn't know about this or that - probably because they missed the meeting because they were at another meeting.

Oh, man, I really am lame if I thought this was funny.  Maybe you had to be there.